Stop Inventing New First Names!

ESPN.com - St. John's coach Steve Lavin has to hope his newest recruit is as impressive on the basketball court as his name. God's Gift Achiuwa -- a 6-foot-8 power forward and first-team juco All-American from Erie (N.Y.) Community College -- is the ninth player to commit to the Red Storm for next season.
The Nigerian native, whose father is a minister, chose St. John's over Washington and Cincinnati.

The parameters & guidelines on how to go about naming your offspring have been completely demolished. If naming children wasn't already a joke--thanks to names like Knowshon, LeDarius, Apple and Crispin--it sure is now. Where does someone get the balls to name his son "God's Gift?" I guess this guy's a pretty good basketball player, but I dunno, I guess I figured someone named God's Gift would come in the form of a savior, someone who has a big impact on mankind.

And where does this ridiculous game end anyway? What happens if I decide I want my kid's first name to be "Hung Like a Horse" or "The Greatest MotherFucker Alive?" Is that OK? Hey, it has a lot of meaning to me, and that's all that matters right?

And the scariest part of this is if these people with ridiculous names actually make something of themselves in sports. We all know there's millions of children in New England with the 1st name of Brady due to Tom Brady's godliness over the past decade. Same goes for other cities with other sports heroes. And a lot of people name their dogs after their favorite sports stars too. Am I really expected to call my buddy's dog or child "God's Gift" someday? Just because this Nigerian minister started a ridiculous trend with his son's name.

I don't like it. You know what I like? Calling someone John, or Mike, or maybe Kevin. Some things don't need to be tweaked...first names are one of them.