Alanis never said, "One hand in my boyfriend's pocket"

I've held my tongue long enough and I cannot hold it any more. Couples who habitually play grab-ass in public by sticking their hands in each other's back pockets bother me. You know what I'm talking about: walking side-by-side, his hand grabbing her ass via the back pocket and her hand doing the same to his tush. For years I've been trying to figure out the purpose of this "move." Is it because you are so in love you simply cannot take your hands off each other? If that's the case, take her to the nearest back alley and bang her; I guarantee you won't feel the need to touch each other for at least the next 30 minutes. Is it because walking side-by-side holding each other's asses is comfortable? Obviously not. I assume it would give me arm cramps. Is it because your hands are cold? I'll buy you a pair of fucking mittens. And another thing: how do these people even walk so closely together without screwing up? If I had to walk that close to another person, I'd constantly be tripping. But I've never been a great walker anyway. Why do I even care about these people? I don't really, but for one thing this compromising position makes it difficult for these people to maneuver on crowded sidewalks, forcing me to step out of their way. And also, I just think it's kind of gross to grab your partners' ass in public. And by the way, if there was no pocket on the back of pants, this move would be totally unacceptable, just like it's unacceptable for me to put my hand in the front pocket of my girlfriend's pants. So why, specifically, is the back pocket cool? Next time I see this happening, I'm gonna grab the woman closest to me, stick my hand down the front of her pants, make her do the same to me, and then circle the ass-grabbing offenders. See how they like it...I know I'll like it.