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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Stalker Reminds Us "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder"


ESPN.com - A man was charged with stalking Serena Williams after police say they caught him trying to walk into her gated subdivision in South Florida. Subdivision security guards stopped Ouedraogo as he walked in a few minutes after Williams' sister Venus returned home, police said. The guards had been told to call police immediately if they saw someone matching Ouedraogo's description.

Look, I'd never sit here and criticize a stalker based on their chosen life hobby. Lord knows that would be hypocritical of me. And I'm convinced that most men would admit they've at least semi-seriously contemplated stalking a woman, especially if it's a celebrity or athlete. What do you got to lose? So you risk a probable restraining order for the outside chance that she'll be just crazy enough to be turned on by your "persistence." Big deal. The upside of the reward is much bigger than the risk of the jail time.

But since there's even a sliver of a risk to this game, why not take a big swing, go for a homerun and pick someone who's hot. As a matter of fact, Maxim just released their annual "Top 100 Hottest Women" List and I encourage you to choose anyone from that list (though I do have some bones to pick with the creators of that list, which we'll get to in another posting).

You like black women? Why not try #81 Gabrielle Union?
Oh, you're more into athletes? Specifically tennis players? Fine, check out #19 Anna Kournikova.

But whatever you decide, please, please do not do something stupid like stalk an ugly black tennis player who looks like Mike Tyson with long hair. That's what poor Patenema Ouedraogo decided to do. His answer to the perfect celebrity stalking was Serena Williams:

And this guy decided he'd just stroll in through the front gate and tell the guards his true intentions? The story above also mentions that this is the first time in history a stalker has adhered to the "honesty is the best policy" school of thought.
And let's face it, this guy got lucky being stopped at the front gate. Remember, the woman he was going to see was that behemoth from the picture above, and her lookalike sister was in the house too. Not too smart, Ouedraogo.

What's the end game here anyway? Free tickets to Wimbledon?

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