freedchips tips of the week...

Last Friday, Rmurdera asked readers for advice about what to do about his weird, bludgeoned toe.  Well, my old pappy used to say, "ask and ye shall receive."  So, here is the freedchips 4 point plan for dealing with a disgusting bloody stump of a toe.

Step 1 - Get some dark socks and put them on.  This will serve the important purpose of hiding your mangled appendage from everybody else.  Also, the darker the sock the better since it looks like your toe is about to explode blood and toe puss all over the place.

Step 2 - Keep these socks on at all times when in close proximity to other people.  Your toe is offensive and nobody wants to see it.  Look, everybody has "those things" about themselves that they want to hide from others.  Take me for example.  You wouldn't think it from looking at me but I have abnormally large nipples, dinner plates if you will.  Makes going to the beach an absolute shit show because I pretty much have to take my shirt off or I'd look even weirder, but you won't catch me going shirtless anywhere else.  You are lucky in that toes are generally supposed to be covered up anyway.  Which brings me to my next point...

Step 3 - Resist the inexplicable urge to take pictures of this atrocity and post them online.  Nothing good can come of this.  Your goal should be to hide this problem, not parade it around like a circus act.  Also, pretty sure there aren't a lot of doctors reading meh blog.

Step 4 - Go see a doctor. When faced with an embarrassing dilemma such as a disfigured gross toe, one understandably has the desire to fix the problem himself.  This never turns out well.  While the paperclip idea sounds kind of good, I'm fairly certain there must be a more effective tool for draining a toe than the common paperclip.  Look, we've all been there in some regard.  Reminds me of the time I saw a centipede in my garbage, panicked, dumped the whole thing in the toilet and flushed.  Toilet clogged immediately.  I  tried to fish stuff out and ended the night with non-functioning toilet and a metal coat hanger sticking two feet out of it.  Sure I had good intentions, but the coat hanger just made things worse.  Right now you have a weird looking toe, but it's a lot better than a weird looking toe with a paper clip stuck in it.