Calling in sick to work on the first day.

What kind of person does this?  Idiots?  Malcontents?  Troublemakers?  Our new PR guy?  Yup, today was supposed to be our new PR guy's (aka Sugarman) first day on the job, and he just up and calls in sick. Look, I know meh blog has taken the internets by storm.  I know we're a dynamic blog that's been keeping readers on the edge of their seats for roughly a month and a half, but we're still a small company.  This kind of shenanigans may fly over at the Googles or the Yahoos of the world, but if you work for three man company and you call out sick, that shit is going to get noticed.  So, the question now is how should I, as meh blog CEO, handle this situation?  Could dock his pay, but being that his official salary is what we call in the biz, slave wages, that is not really a viable option.  Could do some sort of public flogging, but that sort of spectacle would need some major spin from PR guy so that we don't look like a bunch of out-of-touch barbarians, and I think he'd probably quit after the flogging leaving us totally screwed.

I thought I had found the perfect plan when I remembered this horrible Halloween costume he made a few years ago.  The kid dressed up as a midget by wrapping himself up in brown paper bags so that only the bottom of his legs were showing.  It made absolutely no sense and just baffled the shit out of everybody.  To make matters worse, it rained really hard that halloween so his "costume" got all messed up and we walked into this party where we knew like 3 people and he danced into the middle of the room and the entire room just went silent.  Hands down the most awkward moment of everyone's life.  Plus everyone was confused as shit when he tried to explain that he was a midget.  Anyway, I can't find the picture of him from that fateful evening, so that option is out also.  And, I can't fire him because I'm too lazy to find someone else and I don't think anyone else wants the job.  So, I think I'll just do nothing except occasionally refer to him as paper bag guy in the blog and hope that somehow embarrasses him enough that he stops calling in sick.