The Cancer Defense

A couple weeks ago my neighbors the third floor came into our building around 1 in the morning and were belligerently fighting and drunk.  They were yelling at each other for a solid 10 minutes when the guy went up on the fire escape and on to the roof to escape his bitchy girlfriend.  Then he started yelling to somebody on the phone about how his girlfriend sucked.  While I've never really talked to either of them, I was pretty sure they were both douche bags before this night and they certainly didn't improve anything with this debacle.  I literally thought the guy was gonna jump off the roof.  He was so upset and I was too amused by the whole thing to tell him to shut the fuck up.  The neighbor on the second floor, however, was understandably trying to sleep.  Finally, she stuck her head out of the window and yelled, "shush."  Now, any reasonable person would think, oh shit it's 1 am and all this noise may be a bit out of line, but not this guy.  His response was, "oh shut the fuck up!"  The old Greek lady tried to reason with him by saying "too much noise!"  Then the douche on the third floor yelled, "fuck you bitch, I have cancer!"  Bam!  End of argument.  There is no comeback for that.



Now, let me preface my analysis of this hilarious event by saying that I'm about 95% sure this kid doesn't actually have cancer.  I mean there's no way his girlfriend would be acting like that if he had cancer right?  Plus, I've seen him a few times since and he seems totally fine and normal.  That being said, I think there is no better way to end an argument than those 3 words - "I have cancer."  Kid could have assembled a full marching band in his apartment and played all night long and I guarantee the old Greek lady would have showed up at his door the next morning with some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and a letter of apology.  I mean, not only was this jerk off totally out of line for yelling and stomping around at 1 AM, but his use of expletives directed toward an old lady who's just trying to get some sleep was completely unwarranted also.  Yet, he still somehow left her feeling bad about the whole thing.  He completely turned the whole situation around.  Kind of like how George got owned by the coma defense in the video above.  So my question is this... Is there a better defense than the "I have cancer" approach?